THE BIRTHDAY PARTY 
BY HJALMAR BERGSTROM 

ADAPTED FOR THE AMERICAN STAGE BY 

EDWIN BJORKMAN 



THE BIRTHDAY PARTY 
BY HJALMAR BERGSTROM 

ll 

a 

ADAPTED FOR THE AMERICAN STAGE BY 

EDWIN BJORKMAN 



.i 3 



Characters 

Miss Jessica Brown, "who paints" 
Miss Bang, "who sings" 

Miss Annie Newman j sisters, trained to nurse the idle 

Miss Mollie Newman J rich 

Miss Henrietta Gadding, "from the Embassy" 

Miss Helen Frick, who not only paints but lives by it 

Miss Van Kirk, also a trained nurse, but formerly "on 

the stage" 
Joseph 
A Maid 



Copyright, 1922, by Little, Brown, and Company. 

All rights reserved. 

Permission to perform this play, either by amateurs or professionals, must be obtained 
from Mr. Edwin Bjorkman, care of Little, Brown, and Company, Boston, Mass. 



NOV 1 7 1922 

©C1A691176 



THE BIRTHDAY PARTY 



As the curtain rises, Miss Brown is seen standing in the 
center of the room watching Joseph, who is on his knees before 
the fireplace, trying to get a fire started. Then a maid enters, 
carrying a tray with a bottle of Chartreuse and some glasses. 
miss brown (pointing to the little round table), Ici, s'il vous 

plait. (The maid puts the tray on the table and disappears, 

whereupon Miss Brown turns her attention to Joseph again) 

Est-ce qu'il brtile maintenant, Joseph ? 
Joseph. Comment, Madame? 

miss brown (essaying another form of construction). Est-ce 

— qu'il — Est-ce qu'il fera chaud ? 
Joseph. Chaud ? Oui, Madame — dans cinq minutes. [He 

goes out. 

[Miss Brown gives a final touch to the tea things on the table. 

When she hears the bell ring in the hallway, she hastens to 

close the doors to the balcony which have been left open to 

let out the smoke from the fireplace. Then she goes to the 

entrance door and opens it. 
brown. So glad to see you, Miss Bang. 
bang (coming into the room). How are you, my dear Miss 

Brown ? It was so nice of you to ask me ! 
brown. Let me help you with your things. We '11 hang 

them right here. 
bang. Thank you. (Placing her coat on the rack in the 

corner) And they call this Spring ! 
brown. Yes — nothing but rain. 
bang. It was the hardest thing to get hold of a cab. 
brown. I suppose so. 

bang (clearing her throat). And to have to breathe this 
dreadful raw air ! 



114 



THE BIRTHDAY PARTY 



brown. Yes, yes — it gives me a bad conscience to think 
that I have dragged you all the way from Auteuil. — Really, 
for the sake of your voice, you ought not to have come. 

bang. Oh, you can't stay at home fourteen days on a 
stretch merely because you happen to be a singer — and, of 
course, I have to go out to visit my Maestro. 

brown. You are still satisfied with him ? 

bang. He is magnificent ! 

brown. Won't we have a chance of hearing you in public 
soon ? 

bang (evasively). That's quite out of the question for a 
while yet. (Begins to look around in a manner showing 
that she has never been in the room before) What a nice 
place ! 

brown. Yes, it is n't bad. 

bang (at the balcony doors). How funny ! If that isn't the 

towers of Saint Sulpice ! 
brown. You did n't expect that down in the street. 
bang (looking around again). Artists always know how to 

make themselves comfortable. [Turning to the picture on 

the easel. 

brown. No, you mustn't look at that. 
bang. Why not ? 

brown. Oh, well — the conditions were so unfavorable. 
bang (just to say something). The perspective is excellent, 

I think. (Looking at one of the sketches over the table on the 

right) That 's very — cunning. 
brown. Barely started, you know. 
bang. Have you nothing finished on hand ? 
brown. No, hardly anything but studies and sketches — 
bang. Will you have anything at the Salon this year? 
brown (with the same evasiveness shown by Miss Bang a little 

while before). Not this time, I fear. 
bang (catching sight of the preparations on the big table). Is 

it going to be a real party ? 
brown. Only a few friends. 
bang. And what a lot of beautiful flowers ! 



THE BIRTHDAY PARTY 



115 



brown (who has kept an ear toward the hallway). That's 
the Misses Newman, I am sure. Pardon me — (She 
hurries to open the door while Miss Bang studies the sheet 
music on top of the piano) Hello, girls — it's perfectly 
fine of you to venture out in weather like this. 

mollie. The street-car was at its best, of course. 

annie. We had to stand up all the way. 

brown. And then walk the rest of it, I suppose — you 
nice old things ! 

annie. Not a 'bus in sight, of course. 

mollie. Happy birthday, Jessica ! 

annie. And many more of them, Jessica ! 
[Hands her a bunch of flowers. 

brown. Thanks, thanks ! Oh, my, but they are wonder- 
ful ! Thanks ever so much. 

mollie (starting to hang up her things on the rack) . They are 
from both of us, of course. 

brown. You are a couple of dears ! 
[Starts to put the flowers on the piano. 

annie (in the act of hanging up her coat). Better see where 
they came from — 

brown (discovering the florisfs name on the wrappings). 
Are you crazy, girls ! — Really, I don't know what to say 
to you. [She puts the flowers on the top of the piano. 

bang (still devoting herself to the music on the piano). Are 
you having a birthday, Miss Brown ? 

brown. Yes — unfortunately, I might almost say. 

bang. I had no idea, of course — and so all I can offer is 
a wish for many happy returns. 

brown. Many thanks ! But I have forgotten to introduce — 
These are two old friends of mine — we used to play to- 
gether as children — Miss Mollie Newman, Miss Annie 
Newman — trained nurses now, and terribly in demand — 
Miss Bang, the concert singer. 

mollie. We have heard of you — they tell us you have a 
remarkable voice. 

bang. Oh, that's going too far. 



116 



THE BIRTHDAY PARTY 



annie. I think I heard something about your giving a 

recital soon. 
bang. N-no — not just yet. 

brown. Won't you please take off your hats? This is 

not a call merely. 
annie. Can we put them on the bed in there ? 
brown. Yes, indeed. 

[All the visitors take off their hats and put them on the bed 

inside the alcove, 
brown. Tell me — do you find it cold in here ? 
bang. No, it's just right. 

brown. I had to have a real fire to-day. The oil stove is 
all right for heat, but it does n't exactly — give the right 
kind of atmosphere. Come and sit down by the fire now 
— here, Miss Bang. 

bang. Thank you. 

[They seat themselves in front of the fireplace. 

brown. Have you made up your minds where to spend 
the summer? 

annie. Looks like Ostend. 

mollie. We're in luck, Jessica. Our two "fatties", as 
we call them — (to Miss Bang) that 's the cases my 
sister and I have on hand — both of them are going to 
Ostend and want us to go with them. 

brown. That is luck. 

bang. The air is splendid, they tell me. 

annie. I can't say I fancy Ostend. 

mollie. Annie has some rather painful recollections from 

that place. 
bang. Indeed ? 

annie. I spent a summer there looking after an idiot who 

had water on his brain. 
bang. Horrible ! 

mollie. Worse than that — in spite of all the water on his 
brain, this idiot went and fell in love with Annie so that it 
became impossible for her to stay, 

bang. Well, if I ever. 



THE BIRTHDAY PARTY 117 



annie. I should prefer to go home this Summer. But Mollie 
is throwing fits about Ostend — high society is her weak- 
ness, you know. 

mollie. Listen to her. No, my girl, if any one of us 
suffers from snobbishness, that's you, and not me. 

annie. As you please, but — you are rather fond of swell 
people, and particularly of swell gentlemen. 

mollie. Lord, girl — as if I hadn't got beyond that! 

annie. Where are you bound for, Jessica? 

brown. Brittany is tempting me sorely. 

annie. Again ? 

brown. If I only could get some one to go along. 
mollie. Isn't Miss Frick going to Brittany? 
annie. Why, that fits in splendidly. 

brown. Look here, girls — please don't start talking of 

this when she gets here. 
annie. Don't you want her ? 

brown. You know how fond of her I am, but — (turning 
to Miss Bang) You are not acquainted with Miss Frick ? 
bang. No. 

brown. She is coming here — we studied together in the 

same art school, at home. 
annie. I hope you don't get scared when you see her. 
bang. Is she as ugly as that ? 

brown. She is a fine woman, and here in Paris it doesn't 
matter that she wears her hair short and uses stiff shirts 
and smokes enormous cigars — and behaves in general 
like a man. But in a little fishing village in Brittany — I 
have been with her once, and it won't happen again. I — 
I simply can't repeat what they said of us. 

mollie. I would n't mind that kind of thing a bit. 

brown. You just try it, and see if you don't mind ! 
(Rising) I guess it's time to start the tea-kettle — the 
rest must be coming soon, I am sure. 
[She lights the alcohol lamp, opens the tea-caddy and so on. 

bang. Have you thought of Ophelia Jones? I know she 
is looking for company. 



118 



THE BIRTHDAY PARTY 



brown (busy with the tea things). No, thanks. 
bang. But she is so nice. 

brown. I haven't the least desire to act as foil for our 
sweet Ophelia. Her tricks are too well known. Every 
summer she picks out the ugliest girl in the American 
colony for her traveling companion. 

annie. But how can you say that, Jessica — I myself 
spent the Summer with her a couple of years ago ! 

brown (after an ominous pause) . That — that must have 
been for lack of something better. And you yourself told 
me she was quite unbearable. 

bang. In what way ? 

brown. Oh, she can't put eyes on a male creature without 

losing her head. 
annie. Yes, that 's perfectly true. 
mollie. I don't see why anybody should care. 
bang. Yes, of course, she is a little — behind the time. 
brown. It's more than a self-respecting woman can stand. 
annie. Are you going anywhere this Summer ? 

[To Miss Bang. 
bang. It depends on my Maestro. I '11 stay in Paris as long 

as he does, and if he should decide to continue his lessons 

after he goes to the country, I'll go with him. 
brown. Do you think Henrietta Gadding will come? I 

understand her noble Countess is still ailing. 
mollie. I don't know — I haven't seen her for ever so 

long. 

bang. Who's Miss Gadding? 

annie. Have you never been to a reception at the Embassy ? 
No, that's right — they ceased before you came here. 
Miss Gadding is there as some sort of companion or gov- 
erness. 

brown. Don't you call her governess when she hears it, or 

you'll have your head taken off. 
annie. Well, what is she ? 
brown. A friend of the family, dear ! 
bang. Isn't the Ambassador married to a French lady ? 



THE BIRTHDAY PARTY 



119 



Annie. Yes, this time. It's his second venture, you know, 
and she is a real Countess — also a dreadfully hysterical 
creature, between you and me and the lamp-post. The 
Ambassador himself is most amiable. 

brown (her attention still fixed on the door). Here comes 
Miss Gadding. (She goes to meet her, while the others rise 
and stir about a little) Ah, there you are, Miss Gadding. 
So kind of you to come. And many thanks for the charm- 
ing card you sent me. 

gadding. I don't like to desert old friends. 

annie. How's the Embassy, Miss Gadding, and how's 
yourself ? 

gadding. Thank you — the Countess is n't worse at least. 
mollie. We were afraid you might not be able to get away. 
gadding. Mercy — I am my own master ! 
brown. You mustn't think Miss Gadding is employed by 
anybody. 

gadding. I have never been more free from obligations in 
all my life. 

brown. Let me introduce — Miss Bang, the concert singer ; 

Miss Henrietta Gadding. 
gadding. Are you one of the Richmond Bangs ? 
bang. No — why ? 

brown. Miss Gadding is an F.F.V., you know — the rest 

of us are merely from Chicago. 
gadding (with dignity). I spent a long visit with them 

once — most lovely people — and they are one of the finest 

families in Richmond. 
bang. I 'm sorry — I don't know them. 
brown. Now old Frick and Miss Van Kirk are the only 

ones missing. I wonder why in the world they don't show up. 
gadding. Miss Van Kirk will be here soon. I met her 

passing the house with her little foster-daughter. 
brown. Did she pass, you say ? 

gadding. She called out to me that she would come in a 
moment. I suppose she was bringing the girl home from 
school. 



120 



THE BIRTHDAY PARTY 



brown. But why did n't she bring the girl along ? 
gadding. I did n't quite catch what she said. 
annie. There's a head on that little thing. 
mollie. On Adelaide, you mean ? 
gadding. What do you call her ? 
annie. By her name, Adelaide. 
gadding. How funny ! 

bang. Don't you know Beethoven 's Adelaide ? 
gadding. What is it ? 

mollie. It's tremendous — {trying to hum the melody) 
How does it go now ? 

bang. You should hear my Maestro sing it — it's so beau- 
tiful that it hurts. It takes a Southerner to do it. (Goes 
to the piano) The passion of it — (Sings) "Adelaide! 
Adelaide!" 

annie. Please, sing all of it, Miss Bang ! 

mollie (almost simultaneously , ecstatically). Oh, it's almost 
more than one can bear ! 

bang. What am I thinking of ? I who must n't sing any- 
thing but scales ! 

brown (searching in the pile of sheet music) . Oh, won 't you ? 
One little 'song ! I have got the music here. 

bang. Please don't ask me ! Even what I did just now was 
a gross breach of the rules. 

annie (deeply impressed). Of course, one must be terribly 
careful when one studies singing as — as it should be. 

bang. I can assure you that if the Maestro knew I had sung 
even those few notes — oh, Lord preserve us ! 

mollie. Is he so very strict, your — master ? 

bang. Worse than that — like a flaming volcano — from 
the South, you know. 

gadding. Yes, all that come from there are very hot-tem- 
pered, I hear. The Countess is also from the Midi. 

bang. But such temperament ! 

brown. Oh, here 's Miss Frick now ! 

annie (to Miss Bang). Can you hear her hawking (imitating 
the sound) — just like a man ! 



THE BIRTHDAY PARTY 121 



gadding (with severe disapproval). And she — expectorates. 
bang. She does ? 

gadding. Yes, when she is smoking. 

frick (entering; to Miss Brown). Hello, old girl. And a 
happy birthday to you ! 

brown. Hello, old top ! So happy to see you ! 

frick (handing Miss Brown a small package). A little some- 
thing — not worth speaking of. 

brown (opening the package). What can it be? — oh, just 
what I thought — genuine Fleur de Lis. 

mollie. In a cut-glass bottle. 

brown (takes out the stopper and sniffs at the bottle). It 

reminds me of somebody — who is it now ? 
annie. Let me — (smells the bottle) Yes, it makes me think 

of somebody, too. 
frick. It ought to. Can't you get it ? 
mollie (who in the meantime has got hold of the bottle) . Wait 

a moment. 
gadding. It 's very pleasing. 
mollie. I know — Miss Van Kirk ! 

frick. Good guess! It's the perfume she always uses. 

(To Miss Brown as she catches sight of Miss Bang). Won't 

you introduce me. 
brown. I beg your pardon ! Miss Bang, the concert singer 

— Miss Frick, artist. 
frick. Frick is right, but not the "artist." My profession 

is to copy pictures. 
brown. Miss Frick is famous for her wonderfully faithful 

copies of some of the greatest masterpieces in the Louvre. 
frick. Stuff and exaggeration ! I make my living by copy- 
ing old Masters — sort of grave-robbing, you know. 

(To Miss Brown) You have asked Miss Van Kirk, 

have n't you ? 
brown. Yes, she ought to be here any moment. 
gadding. She is on her way — I met her coming here. 
frick. There is something wonderfully restful about that 

woman — an air that sets her apart. 



122 THE BIRTHDAY PARTY 



brown. Yes ? 

frick. As if she had something we lacked. 
mollie {dryly). Luck, I suppose. 

frick. Happiness, rather — and balance and — (a little 

sharply) a certain contented sweetness. 
annie. Old Frick growing sentimental ! 
brown. There is the child. 

frick. Perhaps — well, anyhow, I am quite stuck on her. 
gadding. I suppose she was rather pretty in her youth ! 
frick. Pretty ? She was too attractive for words ! 
annie. They tell me she looked splendid on the stage. 
bang. Oh, has she been an actress ? 
frick. Yes, she had a try at it. 

brown. I don't think anybody here has seen her act. 
frick. I have. 

bang. Why did n't she keep it up ? 

frick. Because she had no talent. Just looks, and nothing 

else. The best she could do was to quit. 
bang. I understand she is doing very well over here. 
brown. Yes, all the richest people are fighting for her. 

You see, she has had the very best training. 
annie {with ill-concealed envy). And a lot of pull to start 

with — that's the principal secret. 
mollie (in the same tone) . Exactly ! 

frick (to Miss Bang). Miss Van Kirk makes from fifteen 
to twenty thousand francs a year. And she is very sensible. 
She puts away as much as she can. 

brown. Hush — here she comes now. 

miss van kirk (showing, as she enters, that she has been hurry- 
ing). How are you, Miss Brown. And a happy birth- 
day! 

brown. I am so glad to see you, dear. And I don't know 
how to thank you for the beautiful flowers you sent me ! 

van kirk. Pardon me for being so late, but I had to take 
Adelaide from school first. 

brown. Why didn't you bring her along? She is such 
a little darling. 



THE BIRTHDAY PARTY 123 



van kirk. She had a date with one of her friends — and 
so, you know, we were not in it. 
[She exchanges greetings with the other guests. 

brown. You know everybody but Miss Bang — the con- 
cert singer. May I introduce Miss Van Kirk ? 

annie. I hear Adelaide is doing fine at school. 

van kirk. Yes, indeed — she has her name on the roll 
of honor. 

gadding. It's a noble deed, Miss Van Kirk, to take care 

of that poor little orphan. 
van kirk (eagerly, with a slight touch of embarrassment). 

Why, it is nothing but a pleasure. 
mollie (a wee bit sourly). And when one can afford it. 
brown. Won't you please be seated. 
van kirk. How nice and warm it is in here. 
brown (at the table, busying herself with the tea things). Now, 

the tea will be ready in a jiffy. Oh, say, Annie, put some 

wood on the fire, won't you ! 

[Miss Annie looks after the fire and then seats herself in the 
chair farthest to the left and nearest to the fireplace; Miss 
Gadding picks the left sofa corner for herself and pulls out 
some knitting from the big bag she is carrying. 
mollie (to Miss Brown) . Now I '11 hand the cups around 
while you pour. 

[Miss Frick has been studying the sketch on the easel. Now 
she begins to examine the canvasses that stand on the floor 
with their backs to the room. Miss Mollie gives the first cup 
to Miss Gadding and the next two to Miss Bang and Miss 
Van Kirk, who stand talking in the center of the foreground. 

van kirk. Whom do you study with ? 

bang. Professor Duberry. 

van kirk. Yes, he has a big reputation. 

bang (with consecration) . Oh, he is marvelous ! 

brown. I think we might all sit down. Come on over 
here, Helen Frick. 

[When they have all seated themselves, they are grouped as 
follows from left to right : Miss Annie, Miss Bang, Miss 



124 



THE BIRTHDAY PARTY 



Gadding, Miss Brown, Miss Van Kirk, Miss Frick, Miss 
Mollie. 

gadding. That's a remarkably good tea you have, Miss 
Brown. 

brown. I get it from Potin. 

mollie. And those little cakes look delicious — I am going 

right at them, as you see. 
brown. Please, help yourself ! 

annie. Well, if it were not for the afternoon tea, I don't 
see how one could stand a Paris boarding-house at all. 

bang. It's not a pleasant form of existence. 

brown. I have been thinking of getting away from this 
place. 

annie. Why take the trouble, my dear? I know them 

all — there's not the slightest difference between them. 
gadding. I think it ought to be quite agreeable to live where 

you can meet a lot of interesting people. 
brown. Interesting people ? Hysterical old women — 

that's the only kind of people you meet. 
frick. You should do like me, children — get a room of 

your own and eat out. 
brown. I have tried it — but an unescorted lady never 

gets decent attention from the waiters. 
annie. No, never ! 

frick. It's your own fault. When you want a plate of 
soup and a piece of pastry, and drink water, and give the 
waiter a sou for tip, how the deuce can you expect him to 
care. I have never had anything to complain of. 

annie. It's the only time I really miss a man — when I 
go to a restaurant, I mean. 

bang. I am with you there. There is something elegant 
about the way a man gives his orders, and handles the 
waiters, and all that. I was watching my Maestro the 
other day — 

gadding. I think it's most enjoyable to eat out, but I 

have so few opportunities. 
mollie. Oh, my dear Miss Gadding, you don't know what 



THE BIRTHDAY PARTY 125 



it means to live — you who move in high society and have 
an Embassy for your home. If you had to live in board- 
ing-houses and dairy restaurants day in and day out for 
years — Gee, but I do envy you at times ! 

gadding {rather pleased, and yet unable to acquiesce). And 
I have moments when I envy — what shall I call them ? 
— the modern women, who have a profession of their own 
and can be quite independent. 

mollie. It's waste of time, Miss Gadding — there's noth- 
ing to that sort of independence. 

gadding. And I think it would be such a rare blessing to 
feel really useful — as a nurse, for instance. 

annie. You can bet there is nothing particularly blessed 
about the kind of thing we have to go through. Or what 
do you say, Miss Van Kirk ? 

van kirk. It is still worse for the doctors, I should say. 

mollie. No, to have the gift of an artist — that's the 
ideal, I think. To have it like Jessica, for instance — 
economically independent, and with her art to fill up her 
life ! 

brown. You get tired of that, too. 

gadding. Yes, to be an artist — it makes your life so rich, 
does n't it ? 

brown (with sudden bitterness). In the old days old maids 

used to embroider — now they paint. 
mollie. Old maids — humph ! Who 's an old maid ? 
annie. What an old-fashioned way of thinking, Jessica ! 
brown. I have no illusions left. 
gadding. But why shouldn't you? 
brown. Do you know how old I am to-day ? 
annie. I haven't given a thought to it. 
mollie. You want to brag of being the youngest, I suppose. 
brown (as if she hadn't heard the last remarks). Forty 

years ! 

gadding. That's incredible. 

brown (as before — with a strangely hard tonelessness). 
Forty years — neither more nor less ! 



126 THE BIRTHDAY PARTY 



mollie (perfunctorily). I really thought you were much 
younger. 

frick. Why did you tell, girl? It makes the rest of us 
seem so old of a sudden. 

[The resulting pause is fraught with varied emotions. 
annie. How time does run. 

gadding. What does it matter, I say, when you have some- 
thing to keep you busy. 
brown. Yes, when you have. 
annie. But you have, Jessica. 

brown. Less and less. Do you think it's any fun to go on 
painting for twenty years without ever getting into an 
exhibition — not to talk of such a thing as selling. 

mollie. But you, Miss Bang, as a singer — what have you 
got to say ? Does n't your song fill up your whole life ? 
Is there a place in your soul for anything else ? 

bang (after some hesitation; a little stiffly). I do enjoy 
taking lessons. 

gadding. Yes, but when you appear at a concert — I can 

imagine nothing more wonderful — to stand there and 

sing your heart out. 
bang (more stiffly than ever). I — I haven't tried it yet. 

(Deep silence, suddenly broken when Miss Bang turns to 

Miss Van Kirk) Why did you leave the stage, Miss Van 

Kirk — did you not enjoy it ? 
van kirk (with a deprecatory smile). Oh, yes, but I don't 

think the public did. 
frick. Which means that we have reached the pleasant 

stage where nobody needs to be jealous of anybody else. 
annie. Bully for you ! 

brown. That's so like you, old top! You know how to 
look things in the face without — 

frick (interrupting). Anybody can do that. I am just as 
well off as any other mill-hand. Now I have stood twelve 
years in the same room in the Louvre and copied the same 
darned old picture — I might just as well do it at home 
without looking at the original — there is n't a brush 



THE BIRTHDAY PARTY 



127 



stroke in it that I don't know by heart. But it keeps me 
alive. 

brown. So we don't have to be jealous of you, either. 
frick. Do you mind if I light a cigar ? 
brown. Oh, I had quite forgotten — Here are cigarettes — 
Let 's have a real good time now ! 

[The cigarettes are passed round and everybody lights up — 

except Miss Gadding. In the meantime Miss Frick has 

pulled out a big cigar from somewhere and lighted it with all 

the loving care of a devotee. 
brown. Put a little more on the fire, Annie, while I serve 

the liqueur. Shall I turn on the lights ? 
several (at once). No, no, — it's so cosy as it is ! 
brown. How about you, Miss Gadding ? 
gadding. I knit just as well in the dark. 

[Miss Annie freshens up the fire; Miss Brown serves the 

cordial. 

bang. And it is still raining. 
gadding. Yes, is n't it awful ! 

mollie. What's that to all of you? I have to go back to 

my patient to-night — way out in one of the suburbs. 
bang. It 9 s so nice to look at the fire when it flames up like that. 
gadding. It would be a pity to turn on the light — one can 

see to do anything here. 
brown. Well, girls, here 's to all of you ! 
frick. No, here's to the birthday child — and may she 

live and prosper forty years more ! 
everybody (on their feet). Hear, hear! — Three cheers! 

Long live Jessica ! 
annie (when at last quiet has returned and all are seated again) . 

I remember perfectly well when you celebrated your 

twentieth birthday, Jessica. 
mollie. So do I — what fun we had ! 
annie. And what silly little fools we were ! 
brown (with a little sigh). Yes — yes. And little did we 

think then that we should be sitting here twenty years 

later, all three of us, in this rotten old hole in Paris. 



128 THE BIRTHDAY PARTY 



annie. Paris at that time — gee, what a dream ! 
brown. It's punk to get old ! 

[She tries to get out her handkerchief without being seen. 
gadding. I wonder if it is so bad ? 

brown. For a single woman — God knows it is ! (She 
wipes her eyes brazenly; Miss Van Kirk pats her left hand 
sympathetically ; Miss Brown smiles gratefully through her 
tears) I don't care if you laugh at me — but I am going 
to be just as sentimental as I please on my birthday. 

gadding. Of course, I do feel a little queer when my birth- 
day comes around — but I thought I was the only one who 
got that sense of emptiness. 

annie (stirring the fire restlessly with the poker) . What do 
you think the rest of us can expect from the future ? 

brown. You did the reasonable thing, Miss Van Kirk, by 
getting hold of a child while it was still time — we are too 
old to do even that. 

van kirk (very quietly). It is a great pleasure to have some- 
thing waiting for you when you wake up in the morning. 

gadding. That's what I always say — it's the children I 
miss, not the man. 

frick. That's an old story, my friend, and every old maid 
wants you to believe it. 

mollie. Right you are ! Let's be honest, children — let's 
be honest for once. I would rather be a deserted wife or 
a "fallen" girl than an old maid. To be nothing but an 
old maid — it means emptiness ahead and emptiness be- 
hind. Oh, no, we have been pretty stupid — that's all. 
And here's to wisdom ! 
[She empties her glass. 

annie. Back up ! Back up ! 

bang (almost simultaneously). Really, that's going too far! 
mollie. You don't like to admit it, of course. And you, 

Annie, can't fool me. 
brown. All right, let's admit the emptiness ahead. But as 

for the emptiness behind — why, girls, we have at least a 

few — memories. 



THE BIRTHDAY PARTY 



gadding. That's what I always say — nobody can rob you 

of your memories. 
frick (having rid herself rather loudly of a troublesome piece 

of tobacco leaf). Is that so? Well, give us his name. 
gadding (pleased y proud and confused) . Never — never ! 
mollie. Tut, tut, Miss Gadding — out with it! Or we'll 

think you were merely blowing. 
gadding. I — I'll give you ten names and let you guess at 

the right one. 
frick. Mercy me — have you had ten proposals ? 
mollie. Oh, she's a deep one. 

gadding. No, I didn't mean it that way. What I said 

was that I would let you guess from ten names. But you 

must n't guess aloud, you know. 
frick. The plot is getting thicker and thicker. 
gadding. On the contrary, my dear Miss Frick. Are there 

not ten members of the Cabinet ? 
bang. Something like that, I believe. 
gadding (with a self-satisfied chuckle) . He 's one of them. 
annie. So you might almost have been a member of the 

Cabinet ! 

gadding (carried away by the rare pleasure of having everyone's 
attention centered on herself) . Do you know what he always 
used to say to me ? — You have noticed my very small 
head, I suppose? — He said always : "I should give any- 
thing to know what's going on in that little head." 
[Her last words are uttered with a sound lying half-way be- 
tween sob and laughter; then she blows her nose in her hand- 
kerchief and resumes her knitting. 

mollie. Annie might have been "the Colonel's lady." 

annie (with pretended fierceness) . Shut up, Mollie. 

mollie. But she didn't care. 

brown. You, with your figure, would have been well suited 

for an officer's wife. 
frick. A regular Madame le General I 

annie (forgetting her resentment). He is a general now, for 
that matter. 



130 



THE BIRTHDAY PARTY 



brown. Lord, Annie — you don't mean — 
annie. Don't you dare, Jessica ! 

brown. I'll bite off my tongue rather. But, I never! 

Why, that's great. It's good enough for a toast. Here's 

to Madame le General I 
frick. I want to drink to the Cabinet Lady — might have 

been. 

bang. And you, Miss Brown — supposing — 

brown. Oh, I am the hostess. 

annie. Don't be so modest, Jessica. I know. 

brown. You just try, Annie, and — Tit for tat ! 

annie. No names, but — here 's to Madame le Professeur. 

frick. You don't tell me ! Why, Jessica — one of the 

chaps at the art school ? I bet you, it was him with the 

wooden leg. 

brown. If any one of you says another word — 
bang (suddenly, with conviction). Yes, indeed, professors 
are so captivating ! 

[General outburst of merriment followed by a slightly painful 
pause. 

mollie. Well, say what you like, but there is something we 
have missed. 

brown. I think everybody should follow your example, 
Miss Van Kirk, — while it is still time. It would be a 
compensation at least. 

mollie. Bothering about other people's children — 
no-o ! 

annie. Why not, Mollie ? 

mollie. Oh — it would be like having the headache of 

somebody else's jag. Not for me ! 
frick. Spoken like — a man ! 

mollie (with intense feeling and speaking to herself rather than 
to the others). No, there's only oneway — to think of 
oneself, and let the rest go hang. What else can be ex- 
pected of an old maid. Oh, how stupid we have been — 
and now it's too late ! 

[She flings her half-smoked cigarette into the fire. 



THE BIRTHDAY PARTY 131 



gadding. But, my dear Miss Newman, that's quite another 
matter — 

mollie {without listening to her). Suppose we could live 
our lives over again, girls — do you think I 'd care a hang 
for reputation and such things ? No, I 'd suit myself, no 
matter what happened. Gossip — what of it ? Do you 
think it's any worse than ridicule, or pity, or, at the best, 
polite contempt ? 

fkick. You are right, girl, and I think the more of you for 
saying it. 

gadding. Of course, you read about that kind of thing in 
the books — 

annie. And yet you haven't done it yourself, Miss Frick. 
frick. And why — why, do you think ? (With a sudden 
break in her voice) Oh, there is n't one of you I don't envy. 
annie. Us — why ? 

frick. All of you. (Deeply moved) Once in your life at 
least — perhaps only for a moment — some man's eyes 
have rested upon you in such a way that — that you can 
never forget it. And that's a joy I have never known. 

brown (after a brief, tense pause). But we who know you, 
Helen — we think an awful lot of you. Is there no con- 
solation at all in that ? 

frick. Yes, dear Jessica. — It's kind of you to let me share 
a little of your happiness — and I am thankful for it. 

annie. Our crippled, anemic happiness. 

frick (still showing strong emotion). You don't know what 
you are talking of. If you smile at a child, it smiles back 
at you. If I stare, it shrieks with fright. No, you don't 
know how much happiness you have after all. — Were I 
like one of you, I should adopt ten children, if I had to 
pick them out of the gutter ! You, Miss Van Kirk, you 
are the lucky one ! 

van kirk. Yes, I think I am. And more — more than 
you imagine. 

annie (dreamily). She is such a sweet little thing, that 
girl of yours. 



132 



THE BIRTHDAY PARTY 



van kirk. If you only knew — {There is something in her 
tone that makes everybody turn toward her with wrapt atten- 
tion) If I told, then you would envy me. 

frick (almost in a whisper) . Tell us ! 

van kirk. You all like Adelaide, I think — 

annie. Yes, as I said before, she — 

van kirk. I have not adopted her — she is my child — my 
own child ! Now you know ! It was silly of me to hide 
it, I think. It was like denying my own child — denying 
that she was mine. I am done with that. From now on 
I shall let the whole world know. Think of it — to have 
given birth to a child! It isn't happiness only — it's 
the great miracle — it's — Oh, there are no words to 
express it ! And then he — he is neither a cabinet member 
nor a general — but what of it ? He then and Adelaide 
now — and no emptiness ahead or behind. (For a moment 
she is overcome by her emotions) Yes, I am very, very happy ! 
[Long pause; no one dares to look at Miss Van Kirk — or 
at any one else. 

frick. It has always seemed to me as if you radiated con- 
tent and a sort of quiet happiness — now I can under- 
stand. 

brown (just to say something). That's true. 
[Another pause. 

annie (in the businesslike, every-day voice she might use in the 

presence of a dangerously ill patient). I think we must be 

going, Mollie. 
gadding (rising from the sofa). S-so must I. 
mollie (rising and putting her hands to her cheeks that are still 

red and burning). What a lot of nonsense we have been 

talking ! 

[All are now on their feet. 
annie. I think you'll have to turn on the light, Jessica, so 

we can sort out our baggage. 
brown (turning on the light) . Here you are. 

[Every face has a look as if it had been set in a mold, and all 

through the following scene no one dares to let her eyes meet 



THE BIRTHDAY PARTY 133 



those of anybody else; Miss Van Kirk goes first to the rack 
and begins to put on her overclothing. 
mollie (turning to her sister in order to get away from the rack). 
Now I remember — we put our hats in there. 
[She and her sister go to the alcove and stay there while putting 
on their hats. 

bang (with a glance toward the window) . And it 's still pouring. 
gadding (stowing away her knitting and pulling the strings of 

the bag to close it) . I wish I were home — without being 

wet, I mean. 

[Miss Gadding drops her bag on the table and makes for the 
rack, followed by Miss Frick, who has lighted a cigarette; 
Miss Van Kirk passes them on her way down the stage to get 
her bag, which is lying on the big table; then she goes over to 
the table on the right where she is left entirely alone while 
pulling on her gloves. 
bang (making for the door). Lord, how am I to get hold of 
a cab ! 

mollie (with a hatpin in her mouth). I think at the square. 
annie. You'll get the 'bus there anyhow. 

[Miss Bang and the Misses Newman relieve Miss Frick and 

Miss Gadding at the rack. 
brown (coming down to the big table). Isn't this your bag, 

Miss Gadding ? 
gadding. A thousand thanks — I had almost forgotten it. 

[The Misses Newman also come forward to give themselves a 

final scrutiny in the big mirror over the fireplace. 
frick (turning up the collar of her coat that is cut like a man's; 

speaking in her ordinary brusque manner) . Nobody headed 

for a restaurant, I suppose ? 
brown (in a tone of relief). There speaks the inveterate 

bachelor. 

bang (coming down stage). Then we are all ready. 
gadding (at the big table). One minute, Miss Bang — gloves 

are so troublesome when they have been wet. There now ! 
frick (opening the perfume bottle). May I steal a drop, 

Jessica ? 



134 



THE BIRTHDAY PARTY 



brown. Please — you don't have to ask that, do you ? 
[Miss Frick pours a couple of drops on her handkerchief. 

gadding. Is everybody ready then ? (With a forced smile 
and a tone meant to indicate that it had not occurred to her 
until then) One word before we part and go our various 
ways. — That about the cabinet member, you know — of 
course, it was nothing but a little fun. 

brown. Of course ! 

bang. I hope you don't think anybody. 
annie. And as for my colonel — I trust no one took him 
seriously. 

brown. Heavens, Annie ! Don't you think we know a 
joke when we hear it ? 

[Everybody looks suddenly, automatically, at Miss Van Kirk, 
who is still standing by herself in the right forward corner, 
seemingly trying in vain to get her gloves buttoned. As she 
stands there, it is as if she had been stripped naked while all 
the rest remained properly clothed. 

gadding. Well, Miss Brown, that was a most enjoyable party. 

mollie. I think we have had a splendid time, Jessica. 

annie. Old maids can also have some fun, it seems. 

bang. Yes, thank heaven, one can get along without men, 
after all. 

brown. Well, I should say so. 

bang. Good-by, then. You'll come and see me some day, 

won't you ? 
brown. Indeed — with pleasure. 

[All are ready, yet they don't leave. They seem to hesitate 

about something that is not clear to themselves. Suddenly 

Miss Bang goes up to Miss Van Kirk. 
bang (in a tone of formal politeness that gives no clue whatever 

to her feelings or emotions). Are you going my way, Miss 

Van Kirk? 

van kirk. No, I have to go for my — my daughter. 
frick (somewhat more loudly and brusquely than usual). 

Ta-ta, Jessica. Quite a party, I should say. And we'll 

meet Sunday, I suppose. 



THE BIRTHDAY PARTY 



135 



brown {conducting her guests to the door) . I hope everybody 
gets home all right. {Everybody departs, leaving Miss 
Brown alone on the stage; she turns around and stands for 
a moment staring into vacancy; then she shakes herself and 
goes to the piano where her eyes fall on the music she had 
picked out for Miss Bang; and again she stands immovable, 
silent, staring at nothing; at last her lips move and she utters 
the one word) Adelaide ! — 



CURTAIN 



